August - September 2015

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109 Aug-Sep15
MENTAL WELLBEING
Dr Zaidi is a British qualified and registered
clinical psychologist. She works as mental
health consultant for a number of international
schools in Hong Kong and specialises in
assisting families with issues from cybersafety
to stress and anxiety disorders.
6347 9955 |
how many “likes” they get on their status and
who comments on their posts. They’re also
under immense pressure to get instant replies
from their peers; if they don’t, these kinds of
thoughts can arise:
• “My friend is upset with me.”
• “Did I do something wrong?”
• “They hate me!”
And it gets even deeper than that when they
start thinking:
• “Let me check when they were last online.”
• “Oh my god, they’ve been ignoring me while
chatting to others!”
• “I’ll send a WhatsApp message to our other
friend to ask if they’ve said anything about
being upset with me.”
Another question I posed to the group
of teens when I addressed them was this:
“Why not just pick up the phone to ask for
clarification?” Their answers were along these
lines:
• “I don’t want to come across as needy”
• “That would be so uncool!”
• “You do not call and clarify.”
Teenagers are under immense
pressure to get instant replies
to social media posts from their
peers
Why are teens so attracted to these forums? Why do they spend
so much time there when it can be so detrimental to them? In short,
social media gives them a false sense of community, and in their stage
of development, teens are looking for groups to identify with – they
want what gives them the sense of freedom where they can share their
deepest darkest secrets within the community. This often has unhelpful
consequences. Studies show that almost 40 percent of internet users
between 18 and 35 years of age have regretted posting personal
information about themselves at some point.
So how should we behave online? One way is to ask these questions
before you press the “Send” or “Post” button:
• Am I okay with everyone seeing this?
• Does it actually represent what I mean to communicate?
• Is it offensive?
• Am I reacting to something someone has said, and do I want to make
my reaction public?
• Is this really something I want to share, or is it just me venting?
• Is this an appropriate forum to emotionally dump on?
If there does happen to be a miscommunication, pick up the phone
to call and clarify the issue privately, instead of getting the whole online
community involved.
What about parents? What can they do to help? I recently read an
article saying that we need to do five key things every day to improve
our mental wellbeing: connect with others, be active, be curious, keep
learning and give to others. A good conversation delivers all five,
which is as good for our mental health as five portions of fruit and
vegetables a day are for our physical health. Teach your children effective
communication by engaging in conversation with them. Support them
and talk to them so they can learn the art of conversation; once learnt,
this skill is invaluable.