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Aug-Sep15
PARTING SHOT
Here’s your chance to get published
– and make some money at the
same time. We’re looking for 500-
word written contributions on any
funny, poignant, practical or even
controversial topic that touches on
expat life in Hong Kong. Simply email
your stories in a Word document to
editor@expatliving.hkand we’ll consider them for inclusion in an upcoming issue.
By Lindsey Gordon
T
he apartment is immaculate. There are no wet
towels on the floor. The wash basket is empty and
the fridge is full. A distant foghorn from a passing
ship punctuates the silence; the only movement
is the golden right arm of Lucky Cat waving eternally at
the mountains in the South China Sea. This is the calm
before the storm.
Six thousand miles away, Thing One and Thing Two
are busy stuffing dirty washing into bags. It won’t be long
before they blow in like a typhoon, kicking off their trainers
and blocking the toilet.
When Thing One was 12, I bought a white linen corner
sofa. When it arrived, I felt I had finally become an adult.
I loved it as much as it is possible to love an inanimate
object. Within two hours there was a large bloodstain on it.
The Thing had been scratching a mosquito bite and blood
was pouring from his leg. “Is it my fault I’m full of blood?”
he asked indignantly. Coincidentally, this was about the
time we sent him off to boarding school in the UK.
We were living inMumbai then, and for the next two years
I only had Thing Two at home. When she heard how much
fun her brother was having, she asked to go too. From
having two kids at home to having none, I experienced
early-onset Empty Nest Syndrome and set about developing
a mild form of OCD. (I like things at right angles.)
Four years on, we live in Hong Kong and the Things
come out for the holidays. The apartment is small and they
are big. I love them dearly and I can’t wait to see them but
they can drive me crackers.
Thing One will come in complaining about the food
on the plane, he’ll head straight to the fridge and take a
fistful of Babybels to his room before firing up the Xbox
and filling the apartment with the din of rapid gunfire. The
other one will be locked in my en suite, blasting out rap
music as she prepares for the world’s longest shower.
Later on, they’ll want Blu-Tack so they can stick pictures
up all over the walls, or they’ll be emptying drawers on the
floor, looking for a charger.
My two worlds collide for the summer, but do you know
what? I love it. It’s time to make amends. When they were
little they asked me to come outside and play, to read to
them, to go on a bike ride or have a picnic. A lot of the
time I was too busy or just too tired.
Now I can take them to Ocean Park and Disneyland,
we’ll go on all the scary rides; we’ll buy tat at the Ladies
Market and dine at Jumbo. They don’t have much of their
childhood left so I’m going to make the most of it this
summer. I can tidy up in September!
Invaders